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The State of Black Love in Arizona – Is There Hope for African American Couples Here?
The royal wedding between Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle got me thinking about interracial relationships! Much of the media coverage on their relationship has focused on the fact that Markle is biracial. Her father is white and her mother is Black.
Of course, PhxSoul.com is extremely happy that Prince Harry and Markle are blissfully in love and I wish them nothing but the best as they embark on a lifelong journey together.
However, interracial relationships don’t quite make everyone happy. Especially in Arizona.
Over the years, I’ve engaged in many conversations with Arizonans about the state of interracial dating here.
I hear comments and questions from Black women like:
“Do Black men only date white women out here?”
“If Black men in AZ loved their mothers and sisters, they wouldn’t date or marry outside of their race.”
“Black men in AZ just can’t handle strong Black women.”
Conversely, I hear the following comments and questions from Black men:
“Black women in AZ are shallow. They want you to be 6 foot, 2 inches tall, with an athletic build, making a six-figure salary and completely faithful. Meanwhile, they’re not bringing equal value to the table.”
“Black women in AZ are unapproachable in public. Too much attitude.”
“Black women in AZ are playing in the snow more than Black men!”
If you talk to enough Black people out here, you’d think that Black love is dead in Arizona. I can’t lie, I see many interracial relationships when I’m out in public.
However, statistics from the 2010 U.S. Census Bureau show that there’s still a strong chance for Black love in the Grand Canyon State!
The 2010 U.S. Census Bureau report shows that only 9.3 percent of households in Arizona feature a husband and wife of a different race. Additionally, only 18 percent of unmarried, opposite-sex partner households in our state involved an interracial relationship. Furthermore, 15.2 percent of same-sex partner households in Arizona involved an interracial relationship. The report does not detail the specific racial makeup of those couples.
I’m happy to say I’ve had mostly wonderful experiences with Black women in Arizona. I’m married to a beautiful Black queen who was born and raised in St. Croix of the U.S. Virgin Islands. I met her in Arizona back in 2003 at a house party in Chandler. We have a big local circle of married friends and 95 percent of them are Black couples.
Bottom line, love is beautiful to me no matter what color is involved.
But, you’re telling yourself a lie if you are Black and you don’t think any Black partners are available. You will occasionally run into Black men and women who prefer to date outside of their race, but that’s their choice. Just move on.
Don’t buy into the falsehoods and rumors that you hear about Black love in Arizona.
You can find what you want, you just have to be patient and keep your eyes, minds and hearts open to the possibilities.
Written by Tremaine Jasper, Owner and Managing Editor of PhxSoul.com.
Thanks for keeping hope alive!!! I will be patiently waiting!!
WOW! I have only been here for a very short time and Black folks here are very cold and suspicious. Maybe they have cause but if we unify we can maximize. Love will win.We are a strong proud good looking people that need to come together and support one another because we know better.
Observation: Most of the comments I’ve seen that say things like this seem to come from men and women who wouldn’t be a good catch anyway. So the irony is that their negativity makes them made for each other but also keeps them from getting together.
AJ,
My thoughts exactly!
First off kinda off topic but I think this website is dope as fuck.
I hope to be relocating to the Phoenix Metro Area by October of 2018 and I being from Detroit MI am still hoping to fall in love and marry a beautiful black woman so I’m looking forward to see what the prosperous and forward moving women of the Metro Phoenix Area are about. By the way I’m 6’3 dark-skinned and I generate well over $100K.
With no picture or age range to back up this post. Makes me wanna say Hmmmm. 😕
look me up Omarri Ali, I’m moving from Atlanta to Phoenix in May 2018. Alicia is the name.
My recommendation is to bring your own company and enjoy the experience together bro. I know exactly what you are looking for and you may want to make a stop in Atlanta, DC. The west is a different vibe.. My reference for you is a simple “whatupdoe”
I agree Jab. If what he is looking for is an upwardly mobile black women. He might want to stop in Atlanta or DC and bring her here. The women who do come here from those areas, who are single and are considered upwardly mobile don’t stay. This was the case with my friend before she left. She felt that women of other races are held to lower standards. Men would actively avoid her, but would “break their necks” to talk to our friend of the opposite race (who barely scraped by who a GED, had several kids and was never married). I saw this with my own eyes when we went out to a bar. I felt bad because she wasn’t bad to look at, but was black. IDK what to tell her. Eventually, she shut people out altogether, packed her crap and moved to NC. I wish she didn’t do that, but I understand the reason behind it. The pool of available black women like this is getting smaller and Black men won’t have many options within their own race.
I disagree. I’m from the west coast single and making moves to open my own fitness business here in Phoenix. I think if people just open their eyes they will see that there are black people from the west coast that are trying to make things happen here in Arizona as well.
Omarri,
I’m moving to Phoenix this summer 2018. I have relatives from Detroit and T’t amazes me of the things the guys say about the women in the D. We’ll it seems like they are similar in Phoenix from what I’ve been reading. Me being a Southern Bell it’s funny when I hear their comments about us, which is a complement. What I’ve observed is weather its a man or woman we all have something about us, we just have to be willing to understand that and take the time to really get to know that person beneath the surface. There are a lot of shallow people out her that are just not not realistic when it comes to finding a mate. As for me I know who I am. I know I’m beautiful inside and out.I also know what I bring to the table and if a man is not willing to find that out then deuces.I cant be happy trying to be someone I’m not and I’m just not going to pretend just to reel someone in. Anyway, I hope you find what your looking for.
Good Luck!
Omarri, Let me be the first to put in a bid. I’m up for trying again in AZ.
Thanks for the statistics. People date who they want. That’s fine. I personally would skip Phoenix. I don’t think it’s a lost of hope, falsehoods or negativity but rather people know what they see around them and it’s not black couples. Those thinking Phoenix is the next Atlanta, NY, DC Or Chitown are way off base. Phoenix is Phoenix. There is hope…in other states. So just as the author states, just move on…to another city if you’re looking for that.
I totally agree. Phoenix is Phoenix. Enjoy the experience or move 🙂
I a 62year old female. I relocated to Phoenix initially to care for my ailing sister. I reluctantly decided to stay here for a change of climate. I have never been to a place where I’ve found my people so cold towards one another. I was raised to smile and say hello, to offer a hand when you can. My encounters here are cold stares IF they acknowledge once we make eye contact. The men are mostly in interracial relationships. That’s how they roll out here. I will not let Phoenix change me. I have never dated outside of my race I’ve never found it necessary,
I agree with you Princess Wade, I’ve learned to go out and enjoy myself solo because if I was waiting on someone to ask me I’d never leave the house lol, AZ is a very beautiful state but the black race here is very weird, I still speak and just keep it moving because the females think everyone wants their men if you so much as say hi smh…most ppl I get along with I’ve discovered relocated here from somewhere else
This is a fact. I know some one is not from here if they make eye contact and speak. Regardless of age this is something that most black people get in their respective communities. Not the case in AZ.
I’m excited to have found an active thread on this topic! Considering relocating to Phoenix from CT, in need of a change of pace.
I understand the male female dynamic is questionable, but what about sisterhoods? Are women receptive to each other? I am 27, ready for my husband, but he will come when we’re both prepared. In the interim, I’d still love to meet new people and gain experiences.
Do y’all find that people are cold down there, or just that theyre not so black couple friendly?
Great site, great thread, thanks for being here when I needed it!
Parris,
What part of CT are you from? I am a black male from CT looking to move to AZ. Please reach out. I have so many questions. I am the same age as well.
I’m a white man and date only black woman. There beautiful loving and very sexy. Plan on meeting the right woman and getting married. I hope soon.
Hello I am moving to Phoenix next week from Washington, DC. Its safe to say im leaving dc with much apprehension, however the change is necessary.
Don’t do it Z! Nothing in life is that hard! Everything that you see on this thread is TRUE. It’s almost like black people here go out of their way to disassociate from each other. Unfortunately, this type of non-sense is “on trend” here. Simple protocol like a hey, head nod, what up or basic eye contact are non-existent. Furthermore, people here, the media ect. have been pushing folks like me to date “outside”. That’s not for everybody. It’s like, “Everyone else is doing it, you should too!” Well, a lot people doing drugs, should I be doing THAT too! Date who you want but it’s not okay to force that on other people. Because this is the general attitude here, I’m making plans to leave. Phoenix is like the anti-wakanda, but if this is what you’re seeking Phoenix is for you!
DON’T GIVE UP ON OUR PEOPLE
I’ve been here for almost 10 years. Yes, we are scattered across Arizona.When I first moved here, talk about culture shock! I moved from N.Y. where you see Black people everyday all day to living in Mesa where I would be lucky to see one Black person a week.
Whenever, I see my sistahs and brothers, I always smile at, head nod, make eye contact or just say hello.We already live in a world that picks us apart, we don’t need to do that to each other.
I was in the supermarket one day and walked past a black couple in the aisle. I said hello. The gentleman said hi, how you doing. The woman looked at me and did not say one word. I walked to the next aisle thinking, that was awkward.
I left the supermarket and stopped at the gas station and ran into the same couple. The woman approached me and said my husband told me you said hello. She then apologized for appearing to be so rude. She was so focused on what she was there to buy, she didn’t realize I spoke, hell she didn’t even see me until her husband said something. I keep that in mind when I speak to my sistahs and brothers and not get a response.
Yes, there are a whole lot of interracial couples here. To each their own, It’s not my preference, but I don’t knock the next person for trying it.You do have to be a little more creative when trying to meet Black men here.In my opinion, Arizona is what you make it. Like any other state every man you meet or date may not for you. Until you find one for you, keep yourself busy with other things.If you are the type that does not like to go out by yourself, join a meet-up group. There are so many to choose from.
As for Black people born and raised here being mean, find out their story, It was probably very different from yours. Maybe their interactions growing up here caused them be guarded all the time, not necessarily mean.Hell,I feel for me some days living here , so I definitely feel for them growing up here.
Anyway,good luck to anyone thinking about moving here. I live in Chandler now and get my daily dose of Black folks. I’m happy here. Just keep in mind everything ain’t everybody.
Great response. I have been here for 18 months and it is a different vibe here among African Americans I agree that we don’t know their story. I’m optimistic I LOVE it here and I’m just hope that eventually at some point enough strong African Americans will come together here and Arizona and bring about a change. As far as interracial dating it’s has not been my thing I Love my black kings but I have only had 2 black men even appear to be interested and that was within the workplace. But the white men here seem to Love black women here, so hey it is what it is just enjoy life. I myself will just continue to live and enjoy myself until my King finds me.
I’ve been here for thirteen years and white men love black women???? Lol that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Or maybe its just me. White men can’t stand black women here. Like at all lmfao. I don’t understand this while black women date outside your race epidemic. How are we supposed to do that when all other races of men hate us and are not attracted to us. Im beyond confused at this point I’ve never even been in a relationship and I dint see it happening anytime soon. I’m just giving up. I will just die a virgin and move in with my life.
I understand not giving up on your people. But is it that people are giving up on their community or has their community given up on them? I was considering a move to Phoenix, but after reading some of these comments, I cringed. These issues are not unique to Phoenix or the black community. But is more prevalent in the west. The ideal relationship is one where you are in love with a person not because of their color, but because there is a shared experience and connection you have, at least that’s what I thought. What that looks like… I have no idea and I’m not here to tell you. We sit here and express anger (rightly so) about “others” treating us unfairly due to the color of our skin but we then turn around perpetuate and justify this very behavior in our own community through our dating “preferences” (i.e. only white, hispanic, biracial blah..blah). Stop it already! When will just being black be good enough? and what message are we sending to black youths when we don’t practice self-love and look to others validate our own insecurities? We also have to be careful because it is also unfair to assume that all people who engage in interracial relationships hate themselves. What I suspect will happen is certain “segments” of the black community will eventually give up on their community. After all you, can’t continue to offer love and support to people who don’t reciprocate and don’t love themselves. People get tired.
Unfortunately I moved to Arizona in 2006 as a single woman. Lol And here it is 2018 and I’m still single. The black men here act like their afraid that your gonna tell them it’s ok to love and embrace your blackness. I just don’t understand wth is going on…..
So just to preface this I’m a wm, so I’m prepared for whatever is thrown at me at a result of what I’m about to say. I’m confused. If certain men have made it clear that they don’t like you, don’t value you and have thrown you under the bus time and time again, why on earth do you continue to support them? I have many black male friends and let me tell you, NONE of them have black wives…not one. Some of things I here them say about black women are deplorable while their non-black counterparts smugly go right long with it. I can’t get a black women to talk to me for nothing because she’s too busy “patiently waiting” for that black man who wouldn’t even give her second look. Listen, black men have already shown their disdain for black women to the point they’re working in conjunction with their non-black partners to hurt black women. Have you seen those youtube videos…my god! Why do you put up with this? Certainly black men will say, it ‘s not all of us, but it’s enough of them. You don’t owe black men a thing, not your time, not attention and certainly not your support. You don’t have to be creative and bend over backwards to meet men. They’re out there, they’re just not black. Stop being the sacrificial lamb to your race, worry about yourself and move on!
That’s what I’m saying. I hate these guys here in Phoenix az They are so stupid its not even funny. Living here Jason really made me not like black guys anymore. They are terrible
Very interesting comments on here I think it is all personal experience and preference obviously. However I will state that AZ is a place where blacks that are born and bred here have had to assimilate more to white culture to survive. I have several friends here that have told me they have never dated a black woman. It was a shock to me but the selection is slim in comparison to other chocolate cities. Also, here white, hispanic and other women are really on their A game actively going after black men if they have something going for them selves or not. I joked with a friend that a brotha out here can be on the bus line working minimum wage and have a super bad one out here… Skate boarding thru the parking lot lol.. I moved here around 6 years ago and when I first got here I thought it was lame then I started to get out of my own comfort zone and get an understanding of the people and their perspective. It’s all what you make it. The culture overall is very “casual”. As it relates to approaching sistas/black women here in AZ… I have had success but also observed the same distance and disconnect as previously mentioned. Interracial dating doesn’t bother me one bit. This is coming from a guy from Detroit, educated and played in Atlanta for years. So called educated, so called successful and lover of life.
I certainly hope those white, Hispanic and Asian women who actively attend black venues and R&B concerts can actively make their way to the front of the protest lines to defend black lives. They can do that right? Great, they can take my place because I’m done.
“It’s just like when you’ve got some coffee that’s too black, which means it’s too strong. What you do? You integrate it with cream; you make it weak. If you pour too much cream in, you won’t even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it’ll put you to sleep.” A man once said.
I’m not sure what Phoenix is serving….tea? I’ve been here a couple years and it amazed how many Black people put on their nightclothes and said good night! I guess this is assimilation? I was all types of confused because we still had work to do. I guess it all comes down to what you value. If you are from the northeast or east in general, you might not understand people from Phoenix or the concept of going to sleep on the clock. Yes, we’re a little intense, but let’s call a spade a spade.
I agree with the poster above. Phoenix is VERY casual and they’re simply not that deep. TBH, I’m not sure if they’re interested in your global views, your goals or what you have going on in life. It appears that people in Phoenix use cursory measures to determine whether a person is datable or on their “A-game” (Is this person nice? Are they in shape? Do they pass the paper bag test, do they have “good” hair, are they white…lol and host of other foolish and irrelevant criteria).
As for me, looks are nice to have, but above all, I value substance and community preservation to SOME extent, we don’t want to limit people either. If I have to explain to my woman the experience of the non-majority because she’s never LIVED it and can’t hold an intelligent conversation with her that’s grounds for getting CANCELLED. Sorry. I don’t care what you look like. If you don’t understand my culture, you don’t understand me and there is no us. Living some place is a choice, so I guess I got to get my exit on. No one for me in AZ. My coffee is too black.
Where are the single black men in Arizona?
I’m ready to leave to be honest. I need a change of scenery. I’ve always been more likely to find black women to talk to at conferences, events, and social gatherings…out of state ( same with my friends)I was in a long distance relationship up until a few months ago.
I’ve always had a difficult time connecting with sisters out here. I think it might be a difference of values…and I’m still doing my own self examination…I dunno man..
Perhaps it’s that most people here are transient ( on their way to another city or the next best thing)…they just don’t take building relationships seriously
Wow. My job is moving me to Phoenix from Chicago in April 2019. I will definitely be checking back because I have no interest in dating a white woman. I love my sisters!
You better check out the Black sista’s you want to get with. it is not what you think it is. and if you do get with a black woman make sure you have a raincoat. a lot of them are prostitutes, and you better look good, do not live in downtown Phoenix if you do keep your money in your pocket’s and do not let anyone know that you even have money. and for God sakes do not put anything down that is of value. you moved from Chicago to another Chicago. they say Arizona is all that make sure you learn Spanish
When you come to Arizona unless you have money, and will live in the fancy area, you will see the difference. the brother’s here that is well to do and have good money, has nice jobs they have it going on if you do not fit in that section get ready for a long haul. most of the men here are homeless, drug and alcoholics, and has no respect for women especially the ones that have gotten out of prison. if you are looking for a nice man with love to offer you, go East Chanler, not downtown Phoenix to Tempe, or further east. if you want to stay single, stay where I live. it is expensive here you will find out.
there are nice black women and men don’t get me wrong, just because one person found true love don’t mean black men and women will find the same in Arizona.to me, the white people and some Hispanic’s are more friendly than black people. black’s are I don’t know how to explain it, they are rude, and think that another black person is out to get them. I feel if you live that kind of life, then, of course, no one wants to be around you. we have beautiful black men out there, what’s a beautiful black women, but they do not want a fake.
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Thank you so much for sharing! Phoenix is alot better than it was 20 years ago, before social media you had to connect with the locals and yes their perception of life is different versus a person that has moved from another state. If you look at Arizona from a different lens, this is a building state the communities are not generational so chances are you are the pioneer of our situation. 🙂 I belong to alot of cool Meetup groups and I very seldom see many men attend SMH. You have to be creative! Think out of the box! These Meetups have awesome single (frustrated) women in attendance but if you are trying the approach that worked in NY, DC, Philly, Chicago you will fall short, try something new! Meetup.com/ Space is the Place We are having a Friendsgiving Potluck this Saturday in the East Valley. Best of Luck!
Arizona wants to sell you this, “We are a diverse place because we are colorblind” nonsense. The saddest part about Arizona is that there is a HUGE issue with COLORISM. IR relationships are great, but when they are based on excluding people who look like you because you’re seeking to acquire proximity to whiteness that’s a problem. Get it together Black people. We’re not letting this go unchecked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDpgkUvZIDU