How Black Women Can "Woo" Black Men in Phoenix!

OK, you've read my blog entry, "Top 5 Places to Meet Professional Black Men in Phoenix!"

At the end of the blog, I said that I'd offer my advice on how black women can "woo" black men in Phoenix!

Well, I'm making good on that promise! I have one simple piece of advice to help black women have a better chance at finding love here! You won't believe how simple this is!

I know there are a ton of African American women in Phoenix who are feeling incredibly discouraged about their chances of finding love with an African American man here.

Many black women blame the high rate of interracial dating as the main reason for their inability to land a good black man in Phoenix! I'm well-aware of the fact that there's a lot of interracial dating here, but I refuse to believe that every single black man in the Phoenix metro area refuses to date black women! In fact, I know many single black men who prefer to date black women!

I think there are many opportunities for black love to blossom here! However, single black women are going to have to change their mindset regarding love and black men!

Thus, here's my simple piece of advice to help black women with their dating approach ...

 

News Flash - CHIVALRY IS DEAD! CHIVALRY IS DEAD! CHIVALRY IS DEAD! CHIVALRY IS DEAD! You must wake up and accept the fact that CHIVALRY IS DEAD!

 

I know many of you are going to disagree with me! You still want to believe that men should court and pursue women like they did in the old days!

I'm tellin' you now, black men are not living in the past! You're gonna be lonely if you hold onto that old-fashioned way of thinking!

Of course, there are some black men here who will still act like gentlemen and that's cool.

But MOST black men these days (especially those in Phoenix) are looking for a MAJOR CLUE to let them know when it's OK to approach a particular woman! Black men in the Phoenix area are VERY PASSIVE when it comes to spittin' game because we hate the thought of being rejected by a woman! There's NO way that I'm going to talk to a woman who hasn't given me any hint that she's attracted to me! I've been shot down before and it wasn't pretty! I'm a confident brotha, but I'm not a fool so I don't want to have that experience again!

 

Also, you have to keep in mind that the pool of black women is quite small compared to the number of women of other racial backgrounds in the Phoenix metro area. And trust me when I say that the women of OTHER races have NO trouble expressing their interests in a brotha! This may be hard to understand but if a black man is gettin' more love from women of other races, there's a good chance that he will lean towards women of other races!

Thus, black women these days need to step up to the plate and make it obvious that they are available and interested!

Black men appreciate a woman who knows what she wants and has no qualms about going after it! Of course, we don't want a woman to beg or be too aggressive! However, the right amount of confidence and self-assuredness are extremely sexy qualities!

How do you let a man know that you're interested?

 

SMILE and say HELLO!

 

Please trust me, a simple SMILE and HELLO will get you on the road to finding out the things you'll need to know about that man! Please believe that a GENUINE SMILE is extremely important! If you say HELLO with a stank look on your face, you will get no play! 

OK, that's my simple piece of advice! You can choose to agree or disagree with me!

Just remember that although MANY of the brothas living in the Valley now are from Atlanta, Dallas, Washington DC, Los Angeles, Charlotte and Chicago, their "game" here is much different! Unfortunately, most brothas here just aren't as aggressive as they are in those cities.

Therefore, black women need to adapt and do like Snoop say and step your game up!

Comments

[Staci M]

I'm am not from AZ (as most people). I am looking for activities outside of school for my 15 years old daughter. I currently live in the Glendale area, with a possible move to Chandler.

[PoeticWrymes]

Honestly, ladies and Gents if we just focus on doing what we do best (be ourselves) we'll make dating and mingling easier. We also need to stop trying so hard to find love, friendly relationships, and beneficial using partners. When our intentions get together and we truly learn the fundementals of self worth and real love we will not expect from the other party what we ourselves can not fully give. Men are natural hunters and women are naturl caretakers lets learn our role and our place and nature will run its course we will all get what we need. Sometimes what we want is not good for us but we want it bad and when we've had it and hurt comes along and steals our joy we are bitter angry and upset. Just step up men in your role and stop leaving it to the women to pull it in and women stop depending on the men to feel your emotions and stop being so avialable which hinders the mans skills of being a hunter. boaz and ruth she was out working everyday and boaz seen her gleeming in all her beuty and hardwork and he made that God-given feeling a try and they made it work we need to step it up get our lives together be in our place and everything else will line up! Bless you and dont grow weary in this race called life...

[PhxSoul]

@Patricia - thank you

[Patricia]

Hi, I just moved to the Phoenix area from Palm Springs, CA and I love your website and blogs. I am looking forward to a quality living experience in Arizona. I am a strong independent black woman who has no problem stepping up to the plate :-)

[Blkgrl]

Another great read from the archives. Still relevant!

[Idris]

I don't know why black women continue to complain about black men and claim they "want a black man."
I'm not sure what black women are looking for and I don't think they know as well. Black women are inflicting themslves with myths about black men and white women. Studies show that black people marry outside their race LESS than any other people in the United States. However, because of oppression and racism we believe that white people have more power over US than they actually have. Black women suffer from this brainwashing which has hindered her from having a successful relationship with a black man. Instead she sees herself as a "victim" at the hands of white women and black man as portrayed in the movie "Waiting To Exhale."

According to the United States census, interracial marriages are less then 3% of all marriages. Also, black women marrying white men has trippled in the last 30 years from 27,000 in 1980 to over 100,000 in 2005. Black women marrying white men is the fastest growing marriage in this country but interracial marriages still remain a rare event in this country.

[Ebony]

I would agree completely with the men here are not at all aggressive and how they spit game is lame as hell. Yet I can't come to hollering at a brotha first. I'm just not wit it. Also, on the note of begging, close mouths don't get feed and men know from their female relatives what we want and expect. If you know the woman you're dating has certain situation, why in the first place wouldn't you help her. I don't get it but they'll take these cavewomen to the moon. Then they spend alot of time to fit in our culture and be black women. Right or Wrong? Little do they know eventually, they will abandoned them too. Plus,it think it's way cheaper to buy buttermilk girl a .70 cent bottle of VO5 than my $400.00 braids.

[Victoria]

I must say this is exactly what I tell the women in my organization. They are constantly asking "Why aren't there any "good" black men in Arizona?" "Why don't Black men want Black women? and "Where can I find a Black man?" Quite frankly I'm still looking and have resorted to long distance relationships in order to have a relationship. But finding someone here is quite simple it just takes patience, time, location, and presentation. Too often, us Black women make ourselves unapproachable by not smiling or refusing to step up and go after what we want. Women of other races have no problem asking men for their numbers or expressing obvious interest. Let's be honest, men can't read minds and usually don't catch small hints. They need assurance that they have a chance.

Another thing that we do is we expect a man to come to our front door. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. Get out, go to the Poet's Bar, Bobby C's ANYWHERE. Just get out there. Put yourself on the line a little. Dating is like interviewing for a job. You have to go to the interview they usually don't come to you.

I might be younger than most whom have replied to this blog, but trust me it just takes a little confidence and smile to find that special one.

[PhxSoul.com]

McJoy,
Good question ... you can find them anywhere! Go to meetings and functions hosted by organizations such as the Urban League Young Professionals, Phoenix Black Chamber of Commerce, ASU Black Alumni, Univ. of Arizona Black Alumni, Arizona Professional Development Network, Phoenix Black Professionals Meetup Group ... just to name a few! There are so many opportunities, it's not even funny. Don't forget about the churches too.

[mcjoy]

...okay, where can a forward thinking single brother find a sister in phoenix? i'll be moving back to phoenix in feb. of 2009.

[BRUCE]

DAP, I would be interested to know how your approaches are going to date.

You see, I've been exploring this type of research for several years and I have many conclusions regarding the approaches that men use to pick up women.

I'll list a few of them for the readers:

BLING APPROACH: I think we all know what this is about. A man using his (or rental) Bling to impress a woman. As you know this woman is about as materialistic as they come. But, for the true player, it doesn't matter because it works on "THOSE" type of ladies that he's interested in. The main objective for this brotha is PLAY.

YO YO BABY APPROACH: This brotha is all about impressing a woman with his "SWAGGER", he thinks. There's just one problem with that. If ya older than 19 and still using this line, seek serious help from a real man. The YO BABY line is a great joke but that's it.

KEEP IT REAL APPROACH: This is my all time favorite approach. Fellas, a woman can, I said, a woman can tell if you're full of it. 100% of the ladies that I surveyed said that they'd prefer if he was being himself instead of Rico Suave.

This is for you that don't know. Try making eye contact with her. Then a smile. Walk over and say, "Hello, my name is … . After you've made your intro extend your hand so that she can except it and introducing herself. Now comes the part that I call "Make or Break". This is the part that I've seen many men fall flat on there face trying to say the right thing.

The intro's are done and now it's time to say something that will not make her run away. So what can you say? Here's a novel ideal, try telling her the truth. I never met a woman that didn't like to be flattered in one way or another.

I was at Fry's last week and I saw a woman that I wanted to talk too. Naturally I used the "KEEP IT REAL APPROACH" and guess what? Wrong, I didn't get her phone number because she's married. But, after a few minutes of conversation she took my number (she has friend).
She also said something that was great for me. She asked me why I approached her? I said, the same thing the exact same word to her that I said after our introduction, "you are a very attractive woman and I know that's not enough to go on but I though it was good enough for me to approach you and ask you out to dinner or lunch. That way we could get to know each other." She said, "that was as smooth a line as she had ever heard and wished more men would use it instead of those corny lines."

Sometimes telling the truth works. I told her what I was thinking when I first saw her. That was honest and she did notice that.

I know there are many more approaches that we use to woo the ladies and by know means do I think that mine approach is the best, but it does work guys.

Bottom line men, be polite, be your self, be confident and a compliment can go a long way.

[Navoi]

Very interesting webstop for me. Several tid-bits of information for thought and practice. One question remains for me, however. Has the Nubian American thought processes in selection and pursual of potential mates become permanently indoctrinated by way of white european courtship practices such as definitions of femininity and masculinity as are greatly seen as pervasive in our leisure and entertainment medias? Just a thought from having read this informative page. Best.

[PhxSoul]

DAP, good luck with your new approach to black women. I'm sure plenty of females will appreciate your initiative. And if you run into a woman who just wants you for your material possessions, trust me, you don't want her!

[DAP]

I don't know what made me come back but I'm glad I did, this blog is hot. I am open to knowing what works and even willing to conduct some research. I hav taken down every online page I have and will take a concerted effort to approach women who I feel are attractive in whatever way. I'll make it known in whatever capacity it appears. Call it flirting if you like but let's see what happens. I am beyond the insanity of doing it the same way and expecting a different result. I'll try it both ways and see which way works. thta way i don't discount either genders opinions.

However here is the caveat. No BLing, no fancy stuff, no swank ride, no plush house, just a real man with real intents. That has been me most of my life but this is a new day and I'll hoepfully prove many women wrong in that woman can woo men too. Tha smile and wink goes a long way in communicating your interests.

[Nia-not in Pheonix]

I am orginally from Michigan. In my home state it is very rare to see a sista and a brotha together. Must of the men and young people date out side of their race. It is close to impossible to find a black man, because all the white women and other races of women have snagged them. This is not do to a sista not smiling or showing they are interested, it's society that makes are black men feel if it's not white it's not right. Must of the professional brotha's just think that white women are more beatiful than black. I am planning on moving to Pheonix I surely hope this will not be the same thing but different place.

[Bruce]

Some of what you say is true and some 50% truth.

I am over forty, single and have noticed the younger gen has lost or should I say, have changed the game so to speak.

As a mature brotha that loves me some black woman, I must admit that I find a certain pleasure in being chivalrous. I've found that women love it also. Why you might ask! A woman loves too and needs to be respected. When she see that you are giving her your full attention, trust fellas, it goes a long way in other respects.

Chivalry is about more than opening a door or pulling out a chair. It's a matter of old school respect for my Nubian sista.

Remember where you guys came from and never forget. The love of that black woman to help make you the man you are today deserves respect on all fronts. Chivalry is just one of many ways to show it.

Now I will agree with the comment that you ladies need to be more open to approach because the competition is fierce.

But, you can always set on your behind and complain that all the good black men are gay, married or whatever. Or, you can do something about it and smile and say hello with a little eye contact. That might just be Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

One more thing, to the fellas. Never, ever beat yourself up before the game has started. What I mean is that if you’re a man and your scared to be rejected, you need to grow up. Life is full of rejections. I'm not saying it's easy. Black men need to step up to the plate so our children can see what a man should do, not what he is scared to do. So the next time you think you'll get rejected, that will be the time that you get closer to not getting rejected.

[Sharon]

You may be right my Brother, men are more passive these days because they are scared of rejection. Even in a city where Black women are waiting to meet a decent brother that hasn't gone to the other side (no offense to those on the other side). It's true you can smell the fear in the air. Chivalry may very well be dead but it is soooo sexy! I have no problem approaching a man. The problem is I am not attracted to any man I would have to approach. I am only interested in and turned on by assertive men. It is attractive to see a man be vulnerable and take a chance. I guess that's how some men are starting to feel right?

[LA]

I disagree, I've been recently exposed to black man who practiced the Chilvary thing without me saying a word! 1 from Cali and 1 from Chi-town. They both approached me. I think its how a person is raised and core values. For one if you as black man has to change who he is just because you now live in PHX vs ATL then you are not your own trueself and maybe not what I'm looking for after all. I've had all the flavors of the rainbow approach me here in PHX but that has not led to me being a Chameleon. I'd much rather you be real then superficial so that I know the person I'm dealing with won't turn out to be someone else later on. For me I need a real brotha who's strong enough to take his time getting to know me versus taking the easy route and jumping at what's thrown in your face and will most likely move on once something more appealing is set in her sites. As you know PHX is a spot for professional athletes, TV and Music artists. Not to mention you as a black man are considered a notch/trophy for most. You know the myth all black men are hung, freaky animalistic sexual, ect...lol

[DAP]

You have never told a bolder truth. I have told many of my gal pals that same thing. I tell them to level the playing field. Take the better of what men have to go through and make it thier own. Learn how to get off the sideline and ask for what you want.

HINT - Make sure you are doing some thing you like or going somewhere you enjoy and simply invite him along. Make the experience something you can manage and a part of you. we like to rest our minds occasionally as well.

This is not a message I give to the faint of heart, because many men do stand on the wall due to exhaustion. So let the women of today get the real feel of equality and know what it takes to find that person of equal yoke. It takes guts and persistance. In the end there are two happy people.

If the guy says no, they have to do just what the guy would do, tuck thier tails and move on. Don't talk trash or make rude comments, just move on.

I'm a contemprary man with traditional manners. Which means I open doors and stand to greet. I just don't feel obliged to pay for everything and make the first move. I wish them all the luck and I can personally say that when a woman steps up to me she immediately is head and shoulders above all the rest. I recognize and understand what she is going through to make the leap. If she is not my type I still may make a friend that I can respect and even introduce one of my guy pals to. Hey gurls, referrals are great!

[Ronda]

I adore this blog so much! You really know how to keep us in the loop! Keep it up!

Ronda-PBP